"Feelings...nothing more than feelings"

A leaders emotions play a huge factor in an organizational culture. As human beings we feed off one another's energy and energy is fueled by emotion and attitude.  One person, yes one person can affect an entire organization, and it starts from the top. The energy and emotion a leader displays sets the tone for everyone else. But as a leader, we cannot understandably always be happy and chipper every single day. After all, we are human beings too. As leaders we are expected to be this perfectly positive, all knowing, happy, go get ’m person. But like everyone else, we have days where we are not at our best. Days where we wear our hearts on our sleeve or when small stressors trigger big reactions. As leaders we must learn to manage those stressors in life to be able to set a positive tone in the organization.  It’s kind of the like the saying, “If mama aint happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

Several years ago, I had an exciting opportunity that at the time was a career high for me, but shortly after receiving this opportunity my personal life unraveled. I had a lot of days when my best self was not present.  The new opportunity presented itself with some stressors I was not prepared for.  It was a lot for me both personally and professionally and at times the two worlds collided, and my emotions were difficult to manage. That year of turmoil I learned a huge lesson… my emotional state affected my leadership state.

How does a leader lead effectively during a challenging season of life? Here are a few ideas to help you show up ready to present your best self to your organization.

1.) Recognize your triggers

Often our emotional reactions are triggered by a stressor. Could be something someone says to us. Could be the hundreds of emails in your inbox from a day away from the office. Could be that employee that can be super needy when you do not have the time, patience, or energy for them. Identify those stressors that trigger a negative feeling.  Figure out how to work through it productively and tell yourself, "I am not going to let that get to me today.”

2.)  Identify a confidant.

Find someone who will listen to you without judgement. Someone who is willing to not only sympathize with you but also tell you to “snap out of it,” If needed. Someone you can call on your way to work or on your way home from work. Someone who has your back and has absolutely no connection to your workplace. It could be a family member, mentor, coach, pastor, or best friend. You know who they are in your life. Talking through your challenges help you to hear yourself, process through those stressors and reset yourself to move forward.

 3.) Write it out.

I am a huge proponent of journaling. I journal every morning sometimes just 3 to 5 sentences, just to get my thoughts out of my heart and brain.   When I am feeling crappy, I write about that. If I am feeling excited and hopeful, I write about that too. It is a way to remove negative inner thoughts and process through and manage those stressors.

4.) Pause/ Sleep on it.

Whenever something is troubling me at the end of a long day or a big decision is looming, rather than acting on it right away, I might sleep on it. Unless it is an urgent matter, you can always take your time to think it through. There is no rule that you must have a solution or answer right away. Pause and be intentional.

5.) Breath.

As a leader we often go from very difficult emotional conversations to a positive interaction. I had a leadership coach teach me once how to take a few seconds to consciously breath and recenter myself before moving to the next the interaction. For example, I have had times when I just finished a difficult or emotional interaction and my phone rings. I will not answer it if I am not emotionally ready. Of course, I respond to it later but that is what voicemail is for. I even have a sticky note on my office phone that says "BREATH!” A reminder to recenter before answering the phone.

These 5 tools are not a perfect or a complete list, but they are ways to deal with stressors that can trigger an emotional response. Don’t get me wrong, I still have moments where I haven't reacted the way I should, but it's important first and foremost to be conscious of your emotional responses, apologize, learn from it and move on.

Live…Learn…Love…Lead

Principals4Leadership.com